a note on CHOOSE

by trulymadlydeeply On Friday, July 25, 2008 0 comments
Sparked by the simple realization that the power of choice is one often abdicated, acquitted to immediate climates of circumstance, or reactionary impulses sourced in irate losses of inner control moved outwardly (through violence, hateful words, bad auras of discontent); I was moved to CHOOSE, felt taken over by an inner strength and serenity. This, of course, was followed by the need to expel those sentiments that kept me awake with the inevitable ringing of thoughts and words and essence that comes with 'flashes of insight'.
This realization (which I've had before, which everyone has had to have had) felt so perfect for me in Sioux Falls, South Dakota (good energy environment perhaps?) that then, more than ever,
I trusted everything.
I felt so at home with myself. Comfortable and safe.
Maybe somewhere behind that trust one could call me naïve and gullible. I would ignore the label and smile with appreciation for their lame attempt to negate me (ha). Then I'd perhaps try to soften them with some honey. But I do trust. I trust that even if life throws some dirt in my eye, 'punishes' (double ha) me for being, cocky or too-certain, I could care less because as long as I am treating those around me with the respect I have for myself, I have that power to choose my feelings, the way I see things happening to me.
Obviously happiness is a drug that can wear off every now and again. We all have 'reality' to deal with. Bills, bad-energy-people, inconveniences, stains, slips and spills...But constant, true inner peace and placidity is something that can, and does, exist.
Here, it's yours.
Please believe that you can hold it. The flame burns. Don't let anyone blow it out.
Don't blow it out yourself.
Because no matter what life throws at me, or you, or your mom, or your best friend- we all have the innate power to choose the way it effects us, or doesn't...(at least when it comes to our moods/inner states.) I'm not sayin we choose to have cancer, have our hearts broken, fall down the stairs, or get into car accidents (actually,...) life can throw us some pretty fked up curve balls. But the snare is, those things come into our lives for a reason. Like a boomerang, negative thoughts will return as physical manifestations. For every action.......
But the power of how we choose to address the things that come in and out of our lives is so wholly entoxicating when you really stop to grab at it that it could actually be scary. There is a sort of absolute control factor within the power of choice that comes with responsibility. A kind of price to pay to yourself, sourced in yourself.
The only thing we really have to fear is that fear. (If you've never actually read that whole speech it comes highly recommended. Oh, how we are starved for good rhetors.)
Battle it out with the power of choice.
Because fear will try to win.
People will try to spin the top away from you.
Choose to keep going.
Choose to choose.
And let freedom ring.
And let light in.


by trulymadlydeeply On Thursday, July 24, 2008 0 comments
choose light, choose height
gentle, stoic might
choose smiles and rightfully composed melodies,
songs of trepidation serving lightness heavily
choose your friends wisely
choose to know when it feels wrong
choose the yes and simple kindness, all-empowering blindness
of choosing absolute gratitude, a magnitude of your attitude
choose perfectly shared solitude moved through and through
inner piece outwardly viewed
choose loyalty, authenticity, multiplicity
what is right with the voice of the universe, verse with it consciously
choose recognition, of the coin and its two sides of choices to flip
choose to know you are safe in, no matter the distance of the trip
choose time, let it serve you
connection chooses you who choose it back,
choose to be chosen, choose compatibility of words ringing, thoughts though yet unspoken
sweet and pleasant motion
choose radiation of warmth in objective truth, proof
invisible as it will always be when real
choose gift wrapping with ego-less bubbles,
containing the right for others to choose the right choice, the only one offered
choose your dreams, belief, hopes and faith
choose your destiny
choose the only ONE,
choose your heart
from the start
choose to know
your choice chooses you
so it is, when you choose the TRUTH:


by trulymadlydeeply On Sunday, July 20, 2008 0 comments

I am in a state of semi-lucid delirium. It has been one of those days. I am so ready to shower and get into clean sheets (eeeeeooooohhhhh yes yes yes) but some Planter's trail mix of nuts seeds and raisins just kicked my libido into gear (ha not really) (not the planters). And I am pretty inspired so I wana let it flow from this hotel room in STL. Well, at least a little.
10 hours behind the wheel. 6 states ran through via rte 70W. 3L of bottled water. 5 rest stops. 1 1-hr flight. 8 ciggarettes. 4 Jesus signs of the "he is your eternal savior" variety with one shockingly large cross, 9 CDs of music. and a partridge in a pear tree. (in no particular order).
And a need. A need for speeeeeeeeeeed. hahaho.

Countless encounters with the 'other-side' were made. And the 'other-side' was that of significant 'signage'. And things lining up. With, beyond, above, to the side. Something's kickin in middle-America. Maybe it's all the pastures and fresh air. And crop circles.

But seriously, who gets approached in a gas station convenience store in good ol'farm land Indiana by a 50-something year old man who launches into a conversation about witches (wearing black leggings and a black T likens one to a witch, apparently) overcoming cancer (thanks to alternative, witch medicine), good energy spheres, his lesbian life partner? Opening it all with a drive-by "You look very good". Out of NOWHERE. How do I always attract these things?! I had to ask him to repeat himself because he blind-sided me from behind the Doritos rack. I was just minding my beezwax, checkin out some tacky souvenirs and organic beef jerky. But what was really freaky deeky (not even surprised, really really) was that we had been talking about shamanism and natural holistic healing and energy and all that good (I don't like this label but for lack of a better brain au moment..) 'new-age' stuff. It was just too coincidental, but right on-point coincidental. And then, his left eye (which I've read is the eye of your personality) had a crazy white/translucent/holographic fleck in it that did something strangely intense to me whenever I would stare at it. I think he knew. It felt like my mind was vibrating, knocking around from side to side in my skull when light would bounce off that fleck. It wasn't even a fleck, really. It was like a wormhole into...je ne sais quoi. But wow something crazy. Then 10 minutes later I got the ticket. Voodoo! He told me to go to this site http://www.reluctant-messenger.com/. And talked about toe of wart and tongue of dog and feathers from a Phoenix. As in a plant. That grows back after it's burned and completely disintegrated.

"You can be very creative today because your mind is freed from emotional attachment as you are connecting to a higher spiritual purpose. This isn't just about making an artistic statement; it's about expressing yourself in a way that helps others see their own true nature. Without a lot of effort, you can use your talents now to positively impact the lives of those around you by simply showing up and being yourself."
Well, isn't that something???

Bonne nuit.

digesting all-you-can-eat

by trulymadlydeeply On Friday, July 18, 2008 0 comments

I was 16 when I went to Vegas with my mother and her 2 friends. My mother doesn't gamble. I was 16 (ok, so I took my chances on a few slot machines- and won! Managed to even cash-in the paltry winnings myself. they should really look into better staffing...). The slutty (rather maimed-looking) strippers who floated about in the dry desert breeze (flyers) and obnoxious gangs of 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' 20-somethings (no judgement ;) really didn't oil the machine to let the good times roll. The trip is not amongst my top 10, let's just say that. But what I remember most about the 'city'; aside from my itching boredom, US-rendition of the Eiffel tower, oh-so-'risqué' topless showing of Folies Bergere, and an astonishing face-to-face with the sheer volume of old folk smokin on perpetually burning 100's while decked out in fanny packs and nylon track suits; was the, yep- you guessed it (did you?) outrageous Buffet options. All you can eat loses its charm after the first meal. In fact, make that during the piling-on process. Mixing all those options, cooking styles and courses adds up to a very confused palate and, ultimately, an unappetizing stomach ache. Maybe it was just me. Confronted by the ecstasy/panic-inducing smörgåsbord of food freedom, an OD of sorts was bound to happen (too many options can make me dizzy. And we all know when dizziness hits the first thing I grab for is drumsticks - the poultry and ice-cream variety. Hence the stomach aches. Is this is making me sound like an obese person with an insatiable apetite? Nahhhh.) After day-one in Sin City, and from thereon in, I took away the understated importance of moderation as a life lesson learned.

An elephant's memory I may indeed posess (albeit a relatively selective memory), but like Andy Warhol once said, I realize that when it comes to certain things, ''My mind is like a tape recorder with one button -- erase.''

That being said, I've been getting carried away with my library card lately. I think I might even enroll in their Over-Ambitious Readers Anonymous program. One's library card record can be one of those personal, private and voyeuristically tantalizing peer into the realm of 'you are what you eat/read/buy' etc. Sort of like a credit card bill only more 'old-school'. But how many people actually use their library cards (own a library card?) like credit-cards anyway? Oh, that's right- me! If I see it and want it I will check it out (be it on ebay, an asos to amazon shopping cart, or through the wonderful inter-library lending system) even if that means pushing aside the stacks of magazines and books on my bedside table(s) to make room for the newest addition and forcing clothes aside to allow for one (8) more article(s) of clothing in 2 already full-to-capacity closets.

Hold up- wait. What happened to the moderation, Ms. Just Say No to Allyoucaneat? Clearly I can get carried away by the dizziness of new and exciting ideas, images, materials of printed matter, scarves, sunglasses, (<-those 2="" a="" abandon="" all="" am="" and="" anything="" are="" awry="" been="" chemistry="" collecting="" crazy="" do="" dresses="" em="" end.="" experiment="" going="" gone="" have="" hell="" hmm="" hopefully="" horribly="" i="" importantly="" in="" ingest="" it="" late.="" like="" me="" mix="" more="" od="" of="" really="" reckless="" s="" sandals="" shirts="" shoes="" silk="" stick="" take="" the="" these="" they="" this="" time="" to="" unstable="" up="" way="" wear="" when="" which="" will="" with="" words="">really
read. I'm eternally optimistic so I do believe sticking will happen. As for the clothes, they will speak for themselves because I will speak for them (the (wo)man makes the clothes, duh) but then the meaning and pearls of insight and prosiac splendors within veritable content really need the mind to matter, to be mined. They can't just stand on their own can they (if a tree falls and no one is there to hear it does it make a noise???)? If 'true' and aligning with what one holds dearly, they need to be processed and integrated into life. Then maybe, hopefully, shared to add to the 'wealth' of another's basket. It's not as easy as zipping up and strapping into a great outfit or sampling the hottest entre. They (great works of all genres) need us to unpack them. Now more than ever. Good things take work, but the 'rewards' are important. And what is important is never handed out freely (weeds out the true seekers).
And I feel a bit tense if I take the time to reflect on how much crap I've accumulated over the years. I want so badly to organize a garage sale. Clear my chi of things no longer needed. Equally, there needs to be a disk defragmentation. Things are getting pretty compressed up in here.
But like all important things in life, timing is everything. There needs to be an incubation period of collection and fermentation before an important synthesis can be culled. The thing that concerns me is the pace.

I am of the belief that ever since the industrial revolution, and even before that, with the advent of the printing press (the written word even!?), society has been forging ahead with a speed and voracity that might be all-too-much. We don't unpack enough. We've got all this information and abundance (in the developed world, at least) and, like the latest and greatest in phone, computer, gaming technology, in some respects, it has become more about out-doing yourself (and the competition) and less about actually capitulating on the essentials already layed out for us (back in the day, day and even just yesterday). Progress yes. But in what direction, to what ends, at what costs? Would a return to the basics be asking too much at the point we've reached? For once the comfort has been integrated, it becomes so much a part of the 'given' that to imagine life without it would be a total
We've all felt it- leave home without your cell, PDA, BlackBerry, you know what I'm sayin.
What to do, what to do?

The months move frighteningly fast, the passage of time pin-pointed by the reception of a new issue when I've yet to finish (or start) last month's Vogue, Bazaar, Wired, Vanity Fair, Print. Thank the blueskies for the bibliothèque's renewal option.

Making a conscious choice to press pause every now and again, is that even possible? Like the stomach and body which runs so smoothly and continuously on its own, we must not forget to tend to other arenas which need our help in maintenance and growth. Because as tempting as it is to let time do as it will, is that all we're here for?

I don't want to stop piling it on my plate (not entirely at least). I (we all) just have to make sure the choices are the right ones, in the right portions. How to gauge? Your gut/heartburn will tell you.

Unconventional occupation of the day: Faux Food Maker
"Looks So Real - Lasts a Lifetime!"

"How the world sees you depends on how you see the world"
- HSBC ad in airport.

And I leave this post like Randy Watson starting @ 0:04 and then again at 0:12:


by trulymadlydeeply On Saturday, July 05, 2008 0 comments
Have you ever played tennis against a garage door? And yourself?

Just you and the door bouncing you back to you. It's great.

There's something so soothing about repetition, something that can get you in the zone so nice and snug that you manage to iron out all the twittering in your head until it's just you, your breath, backhand backhand again now volley, forward, straight, step right run back left backhand boom too high now the ball bounced off into the damp grass.

Pick up, serve, repeat.

Until the light disappears. And you can manage to slightly make out the ball only because of its neon green nature.

But it's trippy this back and forth with the garage door because although you are serving yourself, that damn ball still manages to get a life of its own and bounce off in an unanticipated direction.

Hey, I thought I was sending it that way?

That's probably why I take such long showers.


Music gets it in the zone too.

Listening to that one song of the moment over and over again...new layers make it to your ear even after the 43rd time you've heard it. "oh wow I've never heard that din, tin, tin in the background before."

Man that's exciting.

Maybe that's one of the marks of a great music maker.

Getting something so right-on that it surprises you with something new even after months or years of listening to it.

Running does it too. In the zone that is...

And the familiar repetition of a yoga routine.
Turns it inside out so that you're in the zone on the inside, at home.

Funny, because as much as I despise routine, when it's reduced down into its micro-state of repetition within a small space of time, movement, feeling, experience, it just snaps everything into place.

It forces you to pay attention and enjoy.

Well, hopefully.

There's nothing worse than watching someone next to you struggle against a position that is supposed to unify your mind, body, concentration, breath. It really fks with me sometimes, I can feel their tense energy crossing the line of our yoga mats.

When it does happen, I use it to concentrate and get deeper.

So thanks, I guess...

Où est-ce que je vais là ? Dans cette passage, dans cette mirage. Hier soir j'ai commencé a me parler. Et bien entendu. Puis j'ai chanté, des paroles, du prose, en Anglais, en Français.

Les mots sortaient sans aucun synapse.

Comme ça, sans effort. Et j'ai rimé.

J'étais toute seule, en fumant un oinj dans le hamac en bas de chez moi...Les feux d'artifices explosaient tout autour de moi.

Mais je voyais rien. Rien du tout. Toute seule avec les sons. Et les lucioles qui clignotaient.

Neon lights from those fireflies clicked in time with the fireworks.

They're doing it again tonite.


Airborne, light show

I'm Feelin' It

by trulymadlydeeply On Thursday, July 03, 2008 0 comments

"Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.

Far from idleness being the root of all evil, it is rather the only true good.

Boredom is the root of all evil - the despairing refusal to be oneself.

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

During the first period of a man's life the greatest danger is not to take the risk.

I begin with the principle that all men are bores. Surely no one will prove himself so great a bore as to contradict me in this.

It seems essential, in relationships and all tasks, that we concentrate only on what is most significant and important.

Just as in earthly life lovers long for the moment when they are able to breathe forth their love for each other, to let their souls blend in a soft whisper, so the mystic longs for the moment when in prayer he can, as it were, creep into God.

Not just in commerce but in the world of ideas too our age is putting on a veritable clearance sale. Everything can be had so dirt cheap that one begins to wonder whether in the end anyone will want to make a bid. (19th Century!!!!!)

It belongs to the imperfection of everything human that man can only attain his desire by passing through its opposite.

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.

Once you label me you negate me.

People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.

Personality is only ripe when a man has made the truth his own.

The highest and most beautiful things in life are not to be heard about, nor read about, nor seen but, if one will, are to be lived.

The more a man can forget, the greater the number of metamorphoses which his life can undergo; the more he can remember, the more divine his life becomes.

The truth is a snare: you cannot have it, without being caught. You cannot have the truth in such a way that you catch it, but only in such a way that it catches you.

Concepts, like individuals, have their histories and are just as incapable of withstanding the ravages of time as are individuals. But in and through all this they retain a kind of homesickness for the scenes of their childhood.

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use."

I find this way TOO COOL, what a G that Søren...

"Half of Kierkegaard's authorship was written behind the mask of several pseudonymous characters he created to represent different ways of thinking. This was part of Kierkegaard's indirect communication. According to several passages in his works and journals, such as The Point of View of My Work as an Author, Kierkegaard wrote this way in order to prevent his works from being treated as a philosophical system with a systematic structure. In the Point of View, Kierkegaard wrote: "In the pseudonymous works, there is not a single word which is mine. I have no opinion about these works except as a third person, no knowledge of their meaning, except as a reader, not the remotest private relation to them." Kierkegaard used indirect communication to make it difficult to ascertain whether he actually held any of the views presented in his works. He hoped readers would simply read the work at face value without attributing it to some aspect of his life. Kierkegaard also did not want his readers to treat his work as an authoritative system, but rather look to themselves for interpretation."

He would be a 5.

dorkus maximus

by trulymadlydeeply On Tuesday, July 01, 2008 2 comments
Just ordered this book...

Don't know what's in store for me but I'm very much excited to see what lies in those pages.

Much-too-much in this me to let pour out right now.


P.S., proof: only a dorkus maximus would involuntarily scream out of pure, unadulterated excitement upon hearing the words "precious commodity" at a rock concert.

::blushing..pushes (non-existant) spectacles up bridge of nose..

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