landslide

by trulymadlydeeply On Wednesday, September 25, 2013 0 comments
The breeze of autumn picks up and lifts the little pieces of my life I've yet to nail down. I'm revealed to myself. The shifting sights of folks move from fun in the sun to new horizons, new projects, new jackets, new crushes and classes; it ripples through the atmosphere in step. In step with the 9-5'ers at the crosswalk. In step with the commuters on the mini air jets. Going the distance to stay within a structure they struggled to get, to keep them from struggling against themselves again and again.

My life spills out of bags, all around me a chaotic mess of stuff. Stuff, stuff, stuff - sometimes it's just, ahhhh it's too much! Each item pin-points a moment in time, a certain state of mind. What do I carry over and what will I leave behind? Oh if I weren't such a pack-rat attached to this and this and ooh no, can't let go of that. Thinking, always wondering, what if I want to embody that again? What would it go with that I haven't seen yet? So many pieces I never even filled. So many stories waiting to be lived. Shirts and skirts and jackets, maybe lived their tales one night here, one night there across the pond. Another, I'm dreaming for an event to put you on...

My life spills out of bags waiting to be packed again. And again. And another climate, what to bring? My life fills up closets in more than one place. Isn't that the nature of a life such as this? I'm one but my identities look to be many, flung and flung and strung around, left like mile markers to come back around. A bread-crumb of a heel. A chalk-marking of a hat and scarf. Well, the life I'm heading to won't require that. It's all about the lifestyle isn't it? So what will this outfit say to me? What will it bring me to see? Learning lately sometimes you come too far to look back.

When you're trying to figure it out on the run, pieces are more likely to get lost, aren't they? Like thoughts when you spot a memory in a smile, or a realization in a quote, a talk, a teacher, a heart beat, a moment behind closed eyes when your disk gets realigned. You make a note to make a note, too deep in the moment to break out and jot. And inevitable, you forget, but it's still in there somewhere yet. And then you come home and you find your cat is dying.

Down on my knees at her little calico body I've been sitting, crying. Oh but I know, I know, she's not that body. Oh and though I can remember I've been told not to lament for the changing of bodies, I lament that she won't jump on the kitchen counter anymore, who will be there to help us cook? Like the changing of clothes, we put one on to take it off for another, there she slowly goes. Guess I still have some practical lessons to live out. Guess I'm still clinging to worn out outfits. Theory feels good in my backpack where I can carry it safely. But out on the streets, things play out a little more dangerously.

My love of the last two decades is dying. It's my birthday soon too and I wonder if she'll go when I get renewed. And I'm crying, I'm crying, I can't help it, she's hurting, she's lying; broken and bones, barely breathing, so slowly, fluids every now and then seeping. Every hour or so check back to hold the water bowl to her nose. Tsp tsp tsp tsp. Feeble lapping, and I forget about my life spilling out of bags, strewn about the rooms of my house of a life. And I'm taken with this sight of death in progress, with the soul inside her quiet body so close to being free. I check back every hour just to see. Is her little breath still moving what's left?

I half hope it is. I half know she's so close to being free. So I do what I can with a heart full of faith and praying her next life she finds home where the changing seasons won't blow the pieces around so easily. So I do what I can and lean in close to her cold little ear, soft as the day she came home wrapped up in my sister's hands. I whisper the secret prayers, praying the sound makes its way to the spark in her heart and takes this spilling life into a container that won't break anymore.
by trulymadlydeeply On Wednesday, September 18, 2013 0 comments
When you can endure

Life clicks into place and the signs race with a fervor
Or is it my mind trying to align what's already been assigned
A reflection of god's grace seen in the eyes of every man as I walk by him
He recognizes me and startled
Jumps back to make room for the space between us suddenly filled with light and meaning
As if to ready himself for the purpose which has been revealed
Seemingly out of nowhere
Now we're here
Words like fate and free will
Reflections and devotion; still my beating heart to catch a glimpse of
What is this?
Fire rises as you hear yourself sing in another
Sing the knowing electric
The co-creating
Thoughts of one becomes love for others
The moon beams on this night full of
What can I call it but-
Life
Synchronicity
I's connect to find that line, that nectar of the soul tempered as it pours back and forth
Between two
Between levity and hope

Lost together

by trulymadlydeeply On Saturday, September 14, 2013 0 comments
What is this life but one fleeting ache into another
Cut with sweetness like the bitter morning coffee
Fragrant and enticing
A haunting search for ground
An ecstatic blow to rebuild again 
Memories like past lovers
Hide and seek you 
When you sometimes least expect it
When at other times, you invite it
If not in waking then under the lode of rest,
A reluctant friend for those on the run,
those self-sufficient lovers hungering for more than certainty 
And they break others 
Not because they mean to
But because they don't know how to live
Unless a question hangs in the space between
Promises and stolen glances
Between time given and your effects
Ever flipping the mattress
Because you can't forget what you never had and yet-
Tasted
Felt
Dug deep, drew blood
Left the well
Untouched
Told yourself, just for now, just for now
I must detach and find the sky again
The better to see you with 
Cause this beautiful sight takes such a distance to maintain
We both fly off
Alone again
And if you make it out alive
Alive like I knew you to be,
And on the other side
Break out the boots to call a ride
I'll find you, lost
I'll pick you up, my number's still carved inside

Sculpting in Time

by trulymadlydeeply On Thursday, September 05, 2013 0 comments
'Words, words, words'--in real life these are mostly so much water, and only a rarely and for a brief while can you observe perfect accord between word and gesture, word and deed, word and meaning. For usually a person's words, inner state and physical action develop on different planes. They may complement, or sometimes, up to a point, echo one another; more often they are in contradiction; occasionally, in sharp conflict, they unmask one another. And only by knowing exactly what is going on and why, simultaneously, on each of these planes, can we achieve that unique, truthful force of fact of which I have spoken.

- Andrey Tarkovsky

oceania road

by trulymadlydeeply On Wednesday, September 04, 2013 0 comments
the pedal won't relent and yet
the sky changes every second, every other time
i cast a glance way up
stream past the underpass
another person walking,
maybe stopped and staring,
suburban depression overhead
another day
another shadow cast
what destiny must they contain
too late -- they're in the rear view
one more shadow cast
enough dark lines across this evening
make it just right
cuz without them
colorful masses can't explain themselves to our eyes
like the dark knight man-made starlight shimmering against the sky light
new york city in my sights
yellow backdrop like the brick road flipped up
inception --
what happens when you surrender
the third I never forgets to fill you n me in,
took the brush with him
and painted my mind in
however
the commercials --
god they're so depressin
hashtag
mass appeal
global citizens under
hashtag
mass hypnosis
bjork, wail for me
flute, play that tune and make me snake for thee
jinx my night, make it monsoon for me
there's more to come
you know i'm a sucker for
random places, b
another city, another hour
just a gypsy pulling along the wind
just a gypsy floating to another meeting
another crossing of unfolding trappings
catching my attending art to transform,
transmute with me
pull me away from the materiality
geode wig breaking underground,
my footing slipping
so shiny, sparkling stars
zenned out on
a humanistic level
appearances be damned
nervous for the planet?
don't bother
be nervous for your spiritual progress,
be nervous for your loving action
form an opinion on something other than
...your hair, your shoes, your status, the schmooze

don't worry it's easy
just love and be honest


 


For Lucas

by trulymadlydeeply On Sunday, September 01, 2013 0 comments
Of the terrible doubt of appearances


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d'aimer trop sauve la vie. Je suis, je serai toujours, entraine d'etre sauvé pendant cette vie. Pourtant, la balance se cherche en tous que je touche. Mais pour l'amour, y aura jamais moins que tous. C'est ça, blank blank fullness

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